Best Parenting Resources (from my limited perspective)

Speaking of parenting, a friend recently asked me the best books or resources I've encountered on this subject. DeYoung's little article is really helpful. But here are the best books I've read and other resources I've encountered:

1. Gospel-Powered Parenting, by William P. Farley
This book is the most foundational practical theology of parenting I've come across. It addresses the issue of needing Dads as leaders, and that the most significant thing a parent can do for their kids is to cultivate a great, Christ-centered marriage. I would want any parent to read this one first!

2. Shepherding a Child's Heart, by Ted Tripp
Yes, I do realize that most young reformed people put this in first place, second place, third place, and every place after that. But I still maintain that Farley's book is more foundational, and a better place to start. Having said that, Tripp offers a great framework for parenting and it is very practical. As soon as you are feeling dejected, though, read and re-read DeYoung's article!

3. Don't Make Me Count to Three, by Ginger Plowman
Admittedly, I'm not quite finished this book. But it is amazing. My wife and I love the way it works out many of the nuts and bolts of Tripp's theories into every day life. It's anecdotal content is very welcome to us. I'd be tempted to put it at #2, because I find it a bit more down to earth than Tripp, but I put it here because it is so dependent on his methods. Read them both!

4. God, Marriage, and Family, by Andreas Kostenberger
This is about the opposite of Plowman's book, but that doesn't make it unhelpful. In this book a New Testament scholar outlines a biblical theology of marriage and family through the Old and New Testaments. Like with Plowman, I have not read every word, but I've been helped by all the sections I have read!

5. Watching My Pastors
I've been blessed with great friends and great pastors at my church and elsewhere. I can say that the three pastors of my church are especially worth watching and listening to on this subject. I don't say this to brag about my church (I don't even name it here), but I simply say this to underline a reality: sometimes parenting is more caught than taught. Watching godly examples is invaluable in learning to parent well! Are you at a church whose elders are worth emulating? May their tribe increase!!!

6. Sermons and Messages
Find messages on-line by C.J. Mahaney, Carolyn Mahaney, Kenneth Maresco, John Piper, Tim Keller, etc and devour them.

Now, I know that this is not a complete list. It is a personal list of resources that have most helped me. I'm yet to read Instructing a Child's Heart, but I'm sure it will make the list when I do. But these are a few places that I've been helped as I seek to faithfully shepherd in my own home!

Encouragement to Parents Via Kevin DeYoung

I was extremely encouraged by this Kevin DeYoung article for parents. If you are a non-parent who tisks at all of the imperfect parents you see at church, maybe you should read it and be rebuked. If you are a normal parent who struggles along to be faithful, but who feels dejected at times, you should definitely read and be encouraged. Here is one section to get you wanting more:

There are already scores of books on parenting, many of them quite good. I’ve read several of them and have learned much. I really do believe in gospel-powered parenting and shepherding my child’s heart. I want conversations like this:

Me: What’s the matter son?
Child: I want that toy and he won’t give it to me!
Me: Why do you want the toy?
Child: Because it will be fun to play with.
Me: Do you think he is having fun playing with the toy right now?
Child: Yes.
Me: Would it make him sad to take the toy away?
Child: I guess so.
Me: And do you like to make your brother sad?
Child: No.
Me: You know, Jesus tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves. That means loving your brother the way he would want to be loved. Since Jesus loves us so much, we have every reason to love others–even your brother. Would you like to love him by letting him play with the toy for awhile?
Child: Yes I would daddy.

I try that. Really I do. But here’s what actually happens:

Me: What’s the matter son?
Child: I want that toy and he won’t give it to me!
Me: Why do you want the toy?
Child: I don’t know.
Me: What’s going on in your heart when you desire that toy?
Child: I don’t know.
Me: Think about it son. Use your brain. Don’t you know something?
Child: I guess I just want the toy.
Me: Obviously. But why?
Child: I don’t know.
Me: Fine. [Mental note: abandon "why" questions and skip straight to leading questions.] Do you think he is having fun playing with the toy right now?
Child: No.
Me: Really?! He’s not having fun? Then why does he want that toy in the first place?
Child: Because he’s mean.
Me: Have you ever considered that maybe you are being mean by trying to rip the toy from his quivering little hands?
Child: I don’t know.
Me: What do you know?
Child: I don’t know!
Me: Nevermind. [I wonder how my brilliant child can know absolutely nothing at this moment.] Well, I think taking the toy from him will make your brother sad. Do you like to make him sad?
Child: I don’t know.
Me: [Audible sigh.]
Child: He makes me sad all the time!
Me: Well, I’m getting sad right now with your attitude! [Pause, think, what would Paul Tripp do? Thinking . . . .thinking . . . .man, I can't stop thinking of that mustache. This isn't working. Let's just go right to the Jesus part.] You know, Jesus wants us to love each other.
Child: I don’t know.
Me: I didn’t ask you a question!
Child: [Pause.] Can I have some fruit snacks?
Me: No, you can’t have fruit snacks. We are talking about the gospel. Jesus loves us and died for us. He wants you to love your brother too.
Child: So?
Me: So give him the toy back!

Then I lunge for the toy and the child runs away. I tell him to come back here this instant and threaten to throw the toy in the trash. I recommit myself to turning down speaking engagements on parenting.

Access the whole thing here.

HT: Justin Taylor

Government as Avenger on the Wrongdoer

I appreciated Justin Taylor reminding me of this verse, on this particular day:

“[A governing authority] not bear the sword in vain. For he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer.”

—Romans 13:4

Last Night's Joint Good Friday Service

Last night about a thousand people from five different churches gathered for a joint Good Friday Service in downtown Toronto. The night was hosted by the Senior Pastors of each of the five churches, who took turns reading the seven from the cross throughout the service.

Worship was led by Grace Toronto Church, and my old friend, Ian Cusson, arranged it wonderfully. The night began with a drama, followed by readings intermingled with cross-centered songs with old and new lyrics. Then Joe Boot preached a culturally engaging message on all people's liability before God, and the discovery of life and liberty in the cross of Jesus Christ.

In all, it was a great time of seeing old friends, meeting new friends, worshiping King Jesus for his cross, and making a statement to the city of Toronto that the church of Jesus Christ is united, vibrant, and present. The presence factor was greatly helped by the fact that we met at the Winter Garden Theater at Yonge and Queen, a house that is used most evenings to entertain the masses, was used last night to worship the crucified King Jesus, who died for our sins. Praise God!

One thing that struck me about the evening was the cost of Christian unity. In this internet age, and the age of rapid transportation, I'm taught that I can find a perfect fit for all of my preferences, all the time. I don't download sermons by preachers who almost connect with my personality, and I drive a long distance to get to the church of my choice. Last night's service was awesome, but it also featured some small things that I would have done just a little bit differently if I were in charge. As I walked away from the evening, I found myself wishing those few features were different, and then I caught myself: was I there as a servant or as a consumer? Was I loving the statement that unity in Christ made, or was I selfishly wishing that my preferences were all met? Especially in a gathering that happens infrequently, should not Christians delight to do things a bit differently in order to unite with brothers and sisters from different traditions, who use different methodologies and who come from slightly different cultural backgrounds? The answer to all of these is a resounding 'yes'. This of course is not to mention the fact that I can probably learn a lot from those very people with whom I differ on these fronts. I thank God for the Toronto Gospel Alliance and I hope that many such events are held in the future.

Note: Thanks to Darryl Dash for taking the great pictures!

John Wesley on How to Improve Your Preaching

Justin Taylor records the excellent counsel here.

Tim Keller On Why We Love Fairie Stories

HT: JT

The Relationship Between Exodus and Leviticus in the Biblical Storyline

From Justin Taylor's Blog...
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Jay Sklar, professor of Old Testament at Covenant Seminary, a contributor to the ESV Study Bible, and author of a forthcoming Tyndale commentary on Leviticus, has a very helpful explanation here about the place of Leviticus as the storyline of Scripture unfolds:

. . . [I]t is vital to remember that Leviticus is part of a much larger story, especially the one told in Exodus.

You could tell that story like this:

In Exodus the Lord delivers his people from slavery with mighty signs and wonders (1-15) and brings them to Sinai (16-19), telling them there that they are to be his “kingdom of priests and holy nation.”

He confirms their kingdom status by entering into a covenant with them as their king and giving them kingdom laws to follow (20-24).

But that is not all! He is going to be a king who is near to them, dwelling in their very midst, and this is why he proceeds to give them directions for his tabernacle, his earthly palace (25-31, 35-40).

And all of this leads to a very burning question if you’re an Israelite:

How in the world can the holy and pure king of the universe dwell among his sinful and impure people? How can he live here—in our very midst—without his holiness melting us in our sin and impurity?!

Answer: Leviticus, which begins by explaining the sacrifices that address sin and enable them to worship this king rightly (Leviticus 1-7).

Answer: Leviticus, which provides them with priests to intercede on their behalf and lead them in worship before the king (Leviticus 8-10).

Answer: Leviticus, which gives them laws to teach them how to deal properly with impurity (Leviticus 11-15).

Answer: Leviticus, which provides a yearly ceremony to remove every last ounce of sin and impurity from the kingdom (Leviticus 16).

Answer, Leviticus, which provides a whole series of laws in other areas to direct them in living like a “kingdom of priests and a holy nation” (Leviticus 17-27).